because Angie and Lifehacker told me to

So I started trying to write posts, but I'm writing them on the train, and there's no internet, so for now, you'll end up with two days in a row.

I never said this shizzle was interesting!

03.04.10
There was a suggestion that writing 750 (or so) words/day is good for you. Mental health, communication skills, etc. With that as my motivation, I’m trying for 750 words a day. Some of it may go on a blog, but a lot of it won’t.
Lately, mostly all I have to say is negative, and it’s all about how my science is going. The term is “not well”. My project feels like it’s become a war of attrition. I’m too far into it and too close to the end to give up. However, between catching mistakes I made earlier, and the idiosyncrasies (of which there are many) with this project, it feels like I’m back at step one. When I started this project, I didn’t know what the answer to my question was. Now, I think, I do. But I’m having so much trouble getting consistent data that I can’t prove it. Given that I’m two years into this project, that’s not ok. Which I knew, but I was dealing with it. It turns out there’s a difference between knowing something, and then having someone else tell you. Last week my committee told me it wasn’t ok, and since then I’ve been torn between working like a mad lady, desperate for their approval, and total despair. I wonder why I went to grad school, I laugh that I ever thought I could be a successful scientist.
I need feedback. I got feedback on how my project is going, but I didn’t get feedback on me. In truth, how could my committee give me feedback on me as a scientist? They saw the sum of a year’s frustration, a “straightforward” project that has zigzagged across hell. I think grad students need job reviews, where you talk not about your progress in your research, but instead about your progress as a scientist. I should be able to talk to my advisor about this. But maybe not right now, because if it’s negative, I don’t think I can finish grad school. I’m (definitely) over halfway through, and not finishing would make the last four years even more of a waste of time than they would be otherwise.
The one thing that’s been keeping me upbeat the last couple of weeks (other than the wonderful Boy and the wonderfully sweet and evil cats) is the trips being planned. In a month (!!!!), my cousins are coming to visit. They’re staying half a week, and we’re going to explore the City, take in what I’m sure will be some fine weather, and generally force myself to relax. I like playing host to guests who are as wonderful as they are. Not only am I helping them start to plan what they’ll do here, but I’m also using this to think of all the ways I want to spruce up our condo. Most of the time, I don’t really care about having a pretty place to live in (although I do! It’s lovely!), and so the cosmetic improvements tend to take the back burner. But, with guests coming, I’m thinking about pictures I’d like to hang, walls I’d like to paint, plants I’d like to grow, etc. etc.
Trip #2 is both science and family. In May, I’m heading to the major scientific conference for my field. Most of my lab is going, and it will be FUN. I’m working on increasing my alcohol tolerance, because there will be much going out. (When I mentioned that I was proud because my boyfriend and I had, together, finished off a bottle of wine in two days, I was almost laughed out of the room). AND (I’ve become quite the fan of words in capital letters) I’m going to start scouting for labs in the area I live that I might want to do postdoc work in. Which, I don’t know if I’m going to do a postdoc, and I don’t know what the chance is that I’ll find something I like, but the idea of moving on is really exciting. No more project of death, no more commuting. The two banes of my existence wiped off the face of the planet.
Trip #2 will continue with Family Christmas (in May). I’m going straight there from my conference, which means my trip home is being subsidized! (I’m NOT doing anything questionable here. However, the cost of a roundtrip ticket to the conference + roundtrip ticket to home >> cost of combined ticket to conference and home, and I’ll get reimbursed for the cost of a roundtrip ticket to the conference.)

Oh, my 750 words are up! Come back for more about my planned trips! The exciting details of travel reimbursement! Oh, and maybe I’ll even talk about my budget!


Day #2 – 03.05.10
Oh my, two days in a row! How exciting!
I just had a good moment, when the person who knows what they’re doing sat down and looked at some science I’ve been having trouble getting good data on, and said that both a) yes, that is difficult, you don’t suck; and b) that being said, there definitely IS a difference, I haven’t been imaging it.
But, today I was going to not talk about science/grad school. I was going to talk about the happy trips I’m looking forward to.
I realized that I forgot (I can’t believe I forgot!) that trip #2 is not only a jot to warm, sunny California, paid for by someone else, where I will hopefully get to have lots of fun, AND not only a family Christmas, but ALSO a wedding reception for one of my good friends from high school. She’s already married (on Valentine’s Day!), but the reception is in May, which means I get to go. It’s gonna be a great trip.
Trip #3 might end up being Trip #3 and Trip #4, it’s still uncertain. It started as giant family cruise, with me and the Boy, the sister and her husband (haha, at first I typed husbands. My sister is totally into polygamy), and both my and the boys parents. On a cruise! To someplace warm and sunny! Except this turned out to be prohibitively expensive, and so instead it’s maybe a cruise! with me and the Boy and his parents, and then a trip! that doesn’t require airfare with me and the Boy and the sister and the husband and my parents. In a lot of ways, this is the a trip I’m looking forward to mucho mucho, because although I get to visit my parents in Texas, where we get uninterrupted time, pretty much the only time I get to see my sister and her husband is when I go to visit them. And since they live where I grew up, and where most of our extended family is, every time I go to see them it’s a hectic mess, and there’s not a ton of just hang out time.
To expand hang out time, I’m looking into renting a house instead of renting hotel rooms. It’s hard, when you’re all in different hotel rooms, to just hang out. What if someone wants to sleep? There are a lot of us, so going to a museum or something would make an expensive outing, not really good for just hanging out. We can all go to a bar or restaurant, but having been a waitress I feel guilty spending three hours sitting at dinner if I’m not eating a ton of food, and thus pricey. I’m already paying a price to get to see them (plane tickets), I don’t want to have to pay to hang out and chat! So, renting a house seems like a great solution. We can go grocery shopping, do cooking at home OR eat out, while still all having our own room to sleep in. The rates seem totally reasonable, although there are fewer houses available for that number of people. It’s also probably less of an awesome location, but again, this is more about getting to spend time together, less about doing cool stuff. Although, I’m mostly looking at bigger cities, and I certainly don’t expect us to spend the whole time sitting at home. I feel like this “home” idea also means that we can spend more time doing different stuff during the day if we want, because we’ll all have time to relax together at night. So if the Sister wants to go to the art museum (bleck!), while I want to go to the zoo, we can share pictures at night! Have I mentioned that I’ve gotten really excited about this?
So, that’s most of the excitement regarding trips. I’m not sure if the Boy and I are going to go anywhere alone. We normally do, but I think I’d prefer making a list of happy home renovations, and going after those with a vengeance. Maybe a weekend at the ocean, something small.
I have 60 words left (I’m taking this 750 word thing pretty seriously), but what can I say in 60 words? Or perhaps, what can I say that’s not whining in 60 words?
OH! It’s supposed to be OVER 50 DEGREES tomorrow. I am very excited. It’s been a stressful few weeks, and the weather’s been bad, so I’ve gotten outside very little. There are two full days with sunny skies over 50 degrees, and I intend on spending some significant amount of time outside, even if it’s just walking the streets. That’s right folks, I’m a street walker!
I’m over 750!